FUCK.

Arrgh...

Chinups - 12
Standing Broad Jump - 240
Situps - 40
Shuttle Run : 10.06 seconds

TOTAL : 20 points, all "A"

... I had to sprain my leg during the uphill climb of the 2.4 km route to FAIL my 2.4 km run.

like wtf?

no. in fact everybody was like going. WTF?

KNNBCCB.

Now I have to wait an additional 3 months before my promotion.

WTF?

CB lah. This is like a fucking sway week for me.

Repealing the Hatchet.

Lots of people have asked me about my opinion on homosexuality, me being a christian extremist, and me being gay as well.
Do I think it's right? - No.
Do I think it's wrong? - No.

I just think that it's a phenomenon in human beings that human beings are inherently imperfect. That out of every few hundreds being born everyday, one turns out different.
Do we isolate albinos?
Do we isolate children born with cerebal palsy?

Not that I'm comparing the gay community with defects, but rather, morality and religion dictates what makes us "perfect" or "imperfect".

If God says that homosexuality is a sin, then it is a sin. But so is smoking, gambling, pre-marital sex, stealing and even masturbation a sin.
Society criminalize what it wants to criminalize then releases "sin" into the general populace.

Is it fair? Why does section 377A exist, when people can openly gamble in Singapore?

If the government is indeed doing this for the Christian (majority) populace, then why not ban all the others as well?

While to some it may seem that it's a difference of issue, to those that are affected, it's outright hypocrisy.

I struggle with 3 things in my Christian walk, to the point of crippling.

1) Reconciling the fact that "God" is a "Loving" God, and yet condemns what I can't help doing.

2) That Homosexuality stand out as a "greater sin" in the Christian community then any other issue put altogether. (Even the bid to stop the building of the integrated resort didn't go through).

3) That the entire world is poise on the brink of being antichristian because of the fact that Encompassing Love and Condemnation are contradictory, and Christianity and Condemnation seem to be walking hand-in-hand with each other.

The worst part? - The three points above are undisputedly happening within Christian community in Singapore.

I'm gay.

Christians look at me with skepticism and cynicism, because I claim to love God, and yet I do things that are contradictory to His Word.

Non-Christians look at me with bewilderment because they wonder why I still cling on so tightly to a God that "hates" me and a community that loathes me even more.

Funny thing is, I'm yet to face direct condemnation from my christian peers and leaders, yet I can tell that they approach that topic with extra caution when talking about it in front of me.





Gone are the times when gays had to hide in the shadow, away from the sun, away from the mobbing populace.
We can't change ourselves, and it's ridiculous to even think that we can.
Trying will only cause us to end up hurting the opposite sex and ourselves.

Why love when unrequited love is like a million daggers that pierces the soul?




Singapore has already been classified as a closed, conservative country, the babylon of the gay community, and the capital of intolerance in South East Asia.

Do I care? No.

I love Singapore the way it is now. And for all what people say, I'm still gay. And I'm still a Christian.

Don't you think that repealing it takes away the stinging kind of ironic fun you have?



It only makes me more self-assured that I am indeed unique, and all of you are different.
It's understandable that you all can't understand.
But I don't care.

Just be the same. =)

Random stuffs of boredom

okie. the song on my blog currently may sound quite old, but it was one of my most favorite songs when I was alot younger...

ok. like 5 years younger.

The lyrics is just really meaningful... But you have to watch the show first before you'd understand..
It's about a guy who is colored blind, and the only way he could add color to his world was through dancing, till a girl came along in his life...

but both of them were just not meant to be together...

=/

ok.. emo-ing...

bah. I was in the gym this morning doing cross-training, when I accidentally stepped on a body-fat analyzer.
OMG. STAGMONT CAMP HAS A BODY FAT ANALYZER!
*cough*

ok.. I didn't accidentally step on the body-fat analyzer, I deliberately did it...

and it measured... 16.8%.

wtf. There is NO decrease in body fat since 731,176,527,901 years ago!!
I've been in this percentage since god-knows-when!!

and I've only gotten heavier!!
i'm currently a solid 63 kg.

can't seem to get rid of those stubborn layers of fat... ARRGH.

The Diet Myth

In the classic starvation study (the Minnesota Semi-Starvation study) men were dieted for 6 solid months reaching 4-5% body fat at the end of the study. Then they were refed and body composition was tracked. By the theory being advocated, they should have gained lots of LBM and little fat during refeeding, they were clearly super lean to start out with. But this is absolutely not what happened.

As would be expected based on the metabolic adaptations to dieting, their bodies were mainly primed to replenish fat stores. Reductions in metabolic rate, fat oxidation and thermogenesis all contributed to a preferential gain of body fat and these systems didn’t reset themselves until all of the body fat lost had been regained (8). Quite in fact, signals from body fat (i.e. leptin and the rest) are the mechanism behind this physiology (9).

8) Dulloo AG et. al. Autoregulation of body composition during weight recovery in human: the Minnesota Experiment revisited. nt J Obes Relat Metab Disord. 1996 May;20(5):393-405.

9) Dulloo AG, Jacquet J. Adaptive reduction in basal metabolic rate in response to food deprivation in humans: a role for feedback signals from fat stores. Am J Clin Nutr. 1998 Sep;68(3):599-606.





note: Andrew DOES NOT advocate dieting, but rather, healthy eating. If you eat air for breakfast, lunch and dinner, you're doing to expect airy results.

Quote of the Day - Life is too short to tolerate bad food.

Paradigm Shift

Last Sunday, I was brooding to my friend that I have a long, long break before my NTU course will start...
Since the courses start in August, and I ORD in September,I have a almost 11 months of nothingness before my degree program starts...

So I was like considering some major options that I can foresee myself doing during the almost-year-long-break :

1) Rejoin STOMP to be a Temp Video Producer -
That is a pretty good option, if not for the fact that I still feel so guilty for leaving the company when they needed me really badly. Even though it was for an important reason, I wonder if I'd still have the guts to ask if they have a vacancy for me..

2) Work at a Dermatologist as an apprentice or helper -
Wow. Now that is a positive step towards my final goal ain't it? Problem is, it's not going to help my financial woes during the long, dry period. It's really interesting, but I highly doubt my parents will fund my piggy bank.

3) Teach Piano to kids
I think this is the most flexible, potentially profitable and least time consuming job among the three... only one small problem.. WHO WANTS TO LEARN PIANO? I'd really suck at teaching classical piano because I hate it so much myself... but it's still important as it provides the fundamental grounding...
I can teach them stuff like "November's Chopin" or "The Secret" or even "Canon in D", but they'd be struggling in deep water because they havn't learn how to even save themselves...




... so while I was demanting myself with these considerations, somebody quipped, "Why don't you become a personal fitness trainer?"

I think it just killed 2 birds with one stone...
no. more then that. it killed like the entire flock.

It would solve my goal of being in the paragon of fitness, allow me to learn resistance, isolation, anaerobic and aerobic programs professionally, and more importantly, achieve my consistent ultimate goal of wanting to make people look good.

and again, no. I don't believe that making people look good is to make yourself look bad.
(in response to Seamus' demoralizing comment. lolz)

Hmm...
To top it off, I'm a quite a health nut as well.

Haha... I think if I ever achieved it, lots of my old acquaintances will probably keel in a dead faint.

Well, there are a few routes that I can choose, all require funding, but I think I can pay for at least 75%... hopefully my parents can quip the rest..

Preperation
* Mandatary : Cardio Pulmanary Certification SSC
* Mandatary : SSC Fitness Instructor Course

From there -

The Professional Route
i. NIE's Physical and Sport's Science course
iia. Diploma in Sport's Nutrition
iib. Diploma in Physiology
from there
iii. American Fitness Trainer Certification
iv. SSC Creditation
v. SBBF : Singapore BodyBuilding Federation Accreditation
vi. Holistic I : Sports Massage and Post-Trauma recovery (Diploma)
vii. Holistic II : Tui-Na and Chinese Physiotherapy (Diploma)
viii. Holistic III : Holistic Treatments for Sports Injuries

Final Stage : Degree in Sports Medicine


or

The Easy Route
i. SSC creditation
ii. Diploma in Sports Nutrition
iiia Portfolio 1 : Weight Management and Diet
iiib Portfolio 2 : Competitive Bodybuilding
iv. Application for SBBF Accreditation (if possible)
v. AMFTB part-time certification

Final Stage : I have no idea.


Sounds difficult huh... but the thing is these course and programs can overlap each other simultaneously..
so if I'm hardworking enough, I should be able to get a decent set before I reach 30 years old.


interesting huh?


haha...

I wonder if I would even be able to achieve it...
It sounds pretty interesting to me... but I've gotta study deeper into it...

=)

I feel my goals shifting.



*evil laugh*

Under Scrutiny

It's been another long period since I last blogged... it's just so difficult to keep track of time especially when there is just so much stuff to be done...

... It's harder, particularly when you know that all your colleagues know your blog and are scrutinizing your every action, hell-bent on finding something to laugh at.

So they know my orientation, they know my past, they know my thoughts now, what would a real friend do if they knew?

For some, it can be just plain gossip-mongering
For others, it can be something to ponder about
For the rest, it can be just plain nonsense.

But I wonder. If someone laid open his history in front of you. Will you still be able to look him in the eye and say that nothing will change?

- I guess not.



At least I have my own section to take care of.. far from the main institute and from the AVA room..
If I have to be a loner again, I'll be. And I can be quite good at it...

=)

There are many lessons I'm learning while serving my vocational period in NS

1) When somebody calls you a "garang soldier", that is an insult

2) When you do a good job for somebody, you'll not be credited for it, you will not be appreciated for it, and to rub salt in, be prepared for twice the workload soon, with double the effort expected.

3) When you do something good, announce it to the entire world. With emails, memoirs, notes, messages, calls, loudspeakers, PA system, radio - whatever means possible. When you do something bad, the gods hear instantly. But when you do something good it's pin-drop silence up there.

You see? Army teaches me alot of life lessons.

Well, Andy may have advertised my entire blog to my department, which may be a good thing to get more hits on my blog anyway.



sigh... I havn't been running much recently. I hardly can get any proper sleep at night, to the point that I'd snooze in camp.
- I don't normally snooze in camp.

Nicholas *(my younger bro) has found himself a girlfriend. TA-DAH. Geez. He spend hours talking to her on the phone till wee early hours in the morning, coz he can afford to.
Nobody bothers to turn off the air-con anymore for some reason, making it extremely cold at night.
[it's a complete hassle for me to turn off the air con, cause I'd have to climb down my ladder, turn off the air con, climb up back to my bed, and then i'll be all irritated and bothered]

Well.. one thing I can say for sure, I've learned that it is never a good thing to talk so much on the phone at the beginning of a relationship, coz it can be a good reason to use for break up later on.

~ ok. for some people it may be a good thing.

but. the common reason "we... we... we just don't talk anymore" *gestures* "there is no more... communication between us anymore don't you see?"
is used so frequently it's becoming cliche.





Alvin and I are also on rocky roads... We're arguing so much nowadays over the smallest matters just because our opinions differs so vastly..
Some things that are just so obvious to me strikes him as illogical, while things that matter to him are closed to me....

... he blames me for being insensitive...

Am I?... I always thought of myself as being oversensitive to the point of bewilderment to some people.

How do I become sensitive when I know what he needs, yet, I'm unable to do anything about it?

I can't stretch time and hold the clock... my schedules are so full it's killing me...

.... He blames it on church... That I spend almost 75% of my weekends in church...
.... He blames it on camp... That I help people out too much at my own expense...


... I can't help it if my time is just stretched so thinly...

it's stretched so thin that it hurts...

I cannot reject church or camp duties... Yet... sigh..



I think I gave him the wrong impression that I'm a very free person coz the 3 months prior to my enlistment was completely free... free to spend 90% of my time with him...

... to wait for him to finish school
... to go out with him almost every other day...
... to talk and play games with him till late...

I just feel like pushing everything away if I ever could...

maybe I should just go like AWOL and quit the band totally..

leave everything and everybody.... and just be alone for awhile...

TAURUS - The Enduring One (April 20 - May 20) Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid beings that are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums.. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

PISCES - The Dreamer (Feb 19 - Mar 20) Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative..May become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Don't like details. Dreamy and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good kisser.

unrealistic and stable are at opposing ends
secretive and expressive are at opposing ends
boring and imaginative are at opposing ends
stable and vague are at opposing ends

the only thing we have between us that fits is love. isn't it?

prove to me. that love is all it takes...

the world has taken from me that reasoning, and experience tells me otherwise...




.... sigh..

Infections and Improvements

You know those times when you wake up on a lazy morning, and wish that everything was right in the world, sighing sleepily and staring out dreamily at the ceiling....


then *SMACK*

reality hits you back at the face and you realize you have a freaking long and tedious day ahead of you..

well, yesterday was one of those days...
and, it was one of my rare OFF days that I was forced to take... heh heh...

sigh..

My computer got infected with a superwurm, akin to the VBS.SOLOW wurm, which infects hard drives, except this worm is galaxies apart more powerful... it systematically infects a majority of your startup .dll files, then proceeds to copy itself into all your other hard drives.
Relaying itself as a harmless autorun virus, the moment your antivirus software targets it, it retreats into "Windows system restore", and lodges itself into a permanent, immovable "restore point".

Whoever said restore points were harmless?

Anyway, once it occupies the immortal throne, it proceeds to become malignant. It infects any hard disk that comes in contact with it and makes replicas of itself in the thousands of .dll files on the system32 folder.

Even hard disks with no system options are infected...

Thats why when I reformatted my computer, it was to no effect at all.. I was just toying with a time bomb that was waiting to explode on the slightest touch...

... now all my documents are gone...



... i really don't wanna dwell on it.

I still think that this whole virus thing is a pet project of antivirus companies all over the world to force us to purchase their product and cause us to live under the fist of fear...



... on a lighter note,

I've finally broke through my bench presses, I can now do a minimum of 43 pounds a side, to a maximum of 60+ pounds a side...

Was doing my reps yesterday and realized that curious discovery... usually I'd just like go around my usual static routine... But i accidentally (in my semi-depressed state), switched the two 10 kg plates with two 15 kg plates.

... I barely even noticed *(yes. I was that.... deep in thought).

I'm also starting to switch from my bicep isolation routine to tricep extension routine to compensate for lack of strength from my upper arm flexors, coz I'm having trouble increasing stacks for my seated rows.
(The triceps are the stabilizers for seated rows).

and... I can't add anymore weight to the leg lift machines. I'm like lifting at 200 pounds and the machine won't let me add anymore...
so I'm increasing reps instead of adding weights.
The funny thing is that my quads never seem to add on more mass. I think its because I run too much or I'm doing in wrongly...

But then again, how wrong can you get doing leg lifting?

so there ends my anaerobic routine.


on my aerobic routine... well, I'm running at a consistent 9:58-10:15 for 2.4 km, and having no trouble with 7-10 km running.
I still can't get over the dizziness after running more then 12 km, so I think I'll stick with 10 km only..
On another note, I've been reading an increasing number of articles condemning long-distant running... and they're quite credible.... so I think I'd stick with short distant sprinting instead.

there're like two 2Lts who run with my every Mon, Wed and Fri, and they're freaking zhai lah... I thought I was not bad when I ran 9:58, but those 2 were like sprinting in front of me all the way lah..
And the worse part? They were waiting for me, even had the energy and breath to talk to me and goade me to reach the finishing.

heh. Nice guys.




oh well... my computer repairs is going to bankrupt me for the rest of the month... with a mere service fee of $120, excluding having to buy new hard drives...


arrgh.

and oh. I got that virus thanks to my mum.

yes. my MUM. When I was helping her wash the dishes.

no. I'm kidding. I got it when I was helping her type out her haphazard hospital schedule, which originated from her hospital computer.



how ironic. the hospital cures viruses, but can't cure their own computer viruses.




heh.